On Abortion

It’s inappropriate for me to really try and tackle such a complex idea as this. It is an issue with far-reaching impact, a condition that brings with it equal effect to any legislation or moral change that should come about.

Nonetheless, I believe I may have a solution that gets to the root of the controversy. When the primary issue seems to be the qualification of the unborn fetus as life, and whether or not a woman has the choice to govern over said life, it seems to me we should start at the beginning.

Outlawing menstruation takes care of the whole issue with one fell swoop. There are several bullet points I’d like to bring to reader’s attention: 1) It eliminates the possibilities of those pesky fetuses forming in the first place. 2) It’s like with a chicken – you’re still losing a potential baby, so why risk monthly abortion when you could eliminate all the controversy already flowing through your fallopian tubes? 3) Aren’t we all just a little bit tired of PMS? Isn’t that a little 1982? With outlawing menstruation, no one would have to worry about mood swings. Raising a family would be conflict-free without those cumbersome eggs coming every full moon.