Sara Pocock proposed the idea that someone should introduce her to something brand-new, at least to her. A classic she’d never heard of, or never new was important enough to listen to. …
Dear Recipient of This E-Mail,
I want to thank you for your time in quickly making the consideration as to whether or not this e-mail is “SPAM,” or “junk mail.” Let me quickly assure you this is not. It is actually a cleverly-worded blog post by comedian and auteur Jason C. Klamm, B.A., pulled by a thoughtless aggregator with no concept of – or appreciation for – true art, thrown into a piece of mass-mailing software. By sheer luck, it has ended up with you – a person who appreciates things. It is my goal, then, to turn this e-mail – provided, of course, that your existing junk filters haven’t thrown this into the ether – into a spiritually- (at least) customized piece of digital art for your consumption and, if you wish, your dissemination by whatever means you deem necessary (neither telephone poles nor a co-worker’s desk can be flagged for spam!).
I do not require your money, your passwords, or your cooperation beyond simply reading on if, again, your filters deem it possible. I simply ask that you realize that you are not reading SPAM. Because you aren’t. I promise. There’s not even a silly ironic button at the end of this post. It’s just for you. And all of the people you choose to share it with. While I promise to never e-mail this out myself, I’m happy it managed to reach you. A lover of all things artistic and good.
To further prove this is not fake, I will paste below an image of me composing said post/e-mail. While this will not, likely, end up in this potential attempt at SPAM, if you search for “flergymops,” (a nonsense term I hope does not end up filtered due to its lack of place in a conventional English “dictionary”) in quotes, by the time this e-mail reaches you, this image should – I hope – be the only online result for this query.
Please, feel free to hunt down the exact text of this message to find my blog, as any URLs, e-mail addresses and other identifiers are more than likely to red-flag this message in a SPAM filter. I await your feedback and, I hope, your immense love and appreciation for my cleverness. That was not a button.
I Thank You Sincerely,
Jason C. Klamm, B.A.